On June 21, 2014, my youngest son, 29 years old, was married. This is a luxurious wedding. There are many people attending the grand event of the New York Public Library. But not the mother of the groom. I have not been invited. I hope that I can say so much to the father of the bride [the only family member I can see on the bride].
I hope I can talk about the father of the bride...
I suspect that when I was writing this article, you might be enjoying all the activities that caused your daughter to get married - when she was going to marry my son. In two days, you and I will have a relationship. amazing. is not it?
According to Midash, after God created the six-day universe, he began to arrange marriage. According to Tamud, 40 days before a boy was conceived, the voice from heaven announced which daughter he would marry [in Yiddish, this paradise-like game is called "bashert", which means fate]. I wholeheartedly believe that our family will join for a bigger purpose. People enter our lives as blessings or lessons.
Growing up in Bedford, New York, my 29-year-old son had the chance to meet your daughter, a young woman from Milburn, New Jersey [only 15 minutes from my new home]. What are the facts about sharing so many friends and acquaintances with me? amazing. I can't represent your wife because I have never seen her, but I do think that our path will pass in these days. The world is getting smaller every day.
After you meet me, I expect that things will develop differently. In most cases, parents play a key role in organizing and planning their children's weddings. This is a passionate occasion. Weddings are the most important of all life cycle moments that parents will experience. or not.
In this age of diversity, you may think that you have inherited this situation with compassion. My thoughts are different. I believe that if you are not part of a solution, then you are effectively part of the problem. When you as a parent walks across the aisle with your daughter on Saturday night, the groom's mother will not be there. You choose to exclude and avoid me. Yes, I know that my alienated son taught you on this issue - but we all have choices. If someone robs a bank, the person driving the car is also accused of committing a crime.
My son is no longer a child. He may think that I don't know. However, every scar of heartache tells me that he is now an adult. You see, every mother's day, every birthday, every Hanukkah, every Passover, every disease and every happiness is quietly calculated in the heart. All of this adds up to the alienation of many years. Time that will never recover. When our history fails, every moment flows into the present pain. Today, he is my son. Saturday night, June 21 - He will be someone's husband.
When you take your daughter to Chuppah, it takes only a minute on the seemingly endless road... you may have two tears. With the dampness of the damp, I remind you of me. Your daughter's mother-in-law. And my own tears. You know, I have taken them off for a few days at this wedding.
My son is building a partnership with your daughter. May it be one of happiness and healthy happiness. At a moment that will undoubtedly contain great joy and celebration, will you not be reminded of the sadness and loss that I feel? This moment will never come again. You can do a lot to change the environment. It is easier for you to ignore me and hope that I will gradually disappear. Sometimes the right decision is not the easiest.
Either you and your wife will admit me and will not contact me about this fortunate event. This is the only way I can communicate with you at this time. Bride - I hope I can see her, but she is not interested in calling or emailing. I won't go anywhere. Whenever you look at my son, my eyes will shine. The benefits your daughter sees in my son come from me. I have reference support.
Think about the way our children come together. Baschet, then it always means; this is fate. Maybe you can be a catalyst for peace between us. Or depending on your daughter's will melt the ice around my son's heart. When my son was born, I held him in my arms and imagined his future - a life that always included me. I never thought of a child who worshipped me so much - until the fifteenth year of his life, he would turn to me like him. Hate must be taught. So, when you say that parental alienation is just a word - I ask for something different from you. Interestingly, all of my documents show an alienated file record, and you never ask to see any of it. I have not missed my son for one day in the past ten years. Even through his most unacceptable behavior. Because I remember the baby, the little boy, the young boy - the one who has the old soul and the heart of gold. The young man waiting for your daughter at the end of the bride's entrance will always be my son. He knows that he has unconditional love from his mother anyway.
Therefore, as the father of the bride, please forward the message of the bride and groom. I hope that our children can do everything for themselves, and more. May they find everything in each other that works best. The goal of a great marriage is to go beyond the idea of treating others in the way you like. I hope my son can always put your daughter in the first place. This is what my son needs to emphasize. Unfortunately, he can't learn these things through examples. May our children be kind to each other, not everyone wants treatment. Sorry, I hope I have written too much - but my own tears are blocking me.
My current life partner will tell me something special every day. Many times, I heard him say, "I am very happy to see you happy." I pray that our children have reached the point where they are more happy in the pursuit of personal happiness.
On Saturday night, when you "take your daughter away," you won't doubt the loss and sorrow that made her leave. If emotions take over such a sacred time particle, your eyes may become watery. I will cry with you. Of course different. Remember how you got the chance to feel it. Experience with young couples. How did you get involved in condemning me - I was seeing a life cycle experience that would never come again.
Julie Levine
from
Groom's mother
Orignal From: The danger of parental alienation: not including the mother of the groom
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